I think the most memorable about today really is the amount of time I spent with Cora. Between Chicken Little and playing Guitar Hero, she probably got the most of me today. She sure is cute and sweet.

I feel like I barely saw the other two. I walked them home from the bus stop, but then there was the store, dinner, bath, books, bed… I’ll be looking forward to tomorrow though

Sara’s PC got finished too. Boy that thing is slow with only 256MB or RAM. Hopefully she’ll agree to meet tomorrow to take it off my hands again….

Regardless of exercise, I feel like I’m putting on weight. I probably need to be watching what I eat more closely. I did cross the 200lb limit too, but that might just be because I weighed myself at different times of the day. I hope at least… We’ll see Sunday morning…

That was a lot of randomness, but that’s how the day felt today… Random…

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I’d like to call today a lazy day… but was it?

The morning started in somewhat of a frenzy as I was somewhat late getting up: 8am and the kids had to be at school by 8:45 (and where still asleep as well). But we managed just fine. And I even managed to take some pictures of Gillian’s cheekiness and Liam’s bad-hair-day

When I came back Cora greeted me and we decided to have oatmeal for breakfast together. She was such a sweetheart. And surprisingly cuddly as I found out when we settled on the couch to watch Lilo and Stitch together. I set up Sara’s laptop to clean itself while we were cuddling.

Yes, I did fall asleep.

But after a while, when Lilo’s whining was replaced by Charlie’s british accent, I snuck into bed. Ironically that was when Ruth got up (around 11 or so).

I got up and got the Christmas tree down (finally)… Only to notice that NONE of the lights were still working. Bummer. Thankfully my mother volunteered the spare tree that she had in the garage

Sometime later and made lunch for Cora and cleaned the kitchen followed by the living room. Liam and Gillian came home sometime in there too. Poor Gillian was a bit distraught as apparently some child had threatened to stab her with a nail. Some children… Makes you wonder about their parents.

By the time the laundry was put away and the kitchen cleaned, Ruth came home from meeting with Liam’s teacher and was a bit shook up.

Time to make chicken quesedillas for the children and double-check Sara’s laptop. And we finish the day with a few Guitar Hero songs and books for everyone. Cora was particularly cute as she actually asked me to stop reading. I guess she had enough of Narnia 3 pages in

Once the kids all packed up, it was time to make dinner for us. I learned that making Bratkatoffeln in peanut oil is a lot more difficult than in olive oil!! It was still ok. Lacking in veggies though…

A quick-trip to Oma’s later we have a lit Christmas tree up in the living room And I’m off to the gym.

I really need to find something that is a little more sweat-driving and less leg-muscle building than what I’m doing now… Not to mention it doesn’t feel like I’m pushing myself, but I still end up running out of juice somehow…

Now I’m pondering my Christmas list…

So was it really a lazy day?

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Why does it have to be so hard to journal? During the day, all these great thoughts will combine with enthusiasm and creativity into someone of a giddiness at the thought of being able to put some things into writing. And at the end of the day, when the time to write is finally there, it all just… fizzles… the thoughts are gone, the motivation vanished and all that is left is a blank screen.

Maybe part of it is that the amount of thoughts to put down becomes overwhelming after a whole day. Or maybe it’s simply the same problem that inhibits writing during the day: the fear of interruption.

Yes, I’m sure those are all true. But I think the biggest issue, for me anyway, is that it forces me to be honest with myself and walk on a very thin line between analyzing my feelings and preventing negativity from turning anything into a rant, a disgusting pile of exagerrations and emotional rubbish.

But knowing that does not make it easier, does it

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Ah the peace one feels after a good workout It’s simply priceless!!

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Today we had the farewell lunch for Julius and Fred who are going back to the Philippines soon. Amol had picked this Indian restaurant at Custer and Arapaho. I got there first as I found out when I entered the empty restaurant, but as I turned to leave again, they all showed up. It was a fairly nice clean restaurant. The food was good… Not many people were there and I think we all had a good social time there.

The funny part was as we went to leave, I was the last one as I sat in the corner, the waitress, a middle-aged Indian woman came over to me and said “I have to say, I think you’re cute” with a heavy indian accent. I was so taken aback that all I could do was mutter a thank you…

It was only in the car on the way back that I realized that this had NEVER happned to me before LOL!

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When I picked up this book from my book shelf, I did not want to. And that’s stil an understatement. The only reason I did so anyway is because for the last 2 or 3 months, the title came up again and again from various people that I look up to in some way.

So I did…

And the first few pages were painful. I felt like I had read it before (which I’m not too sure of anymore) and that it would just be another to-do list book: a list of steps to follow to achieve this or that goal in your life. But I stand corrected.

What I got out of it was hope: hope that no matter where you start, you can finish better than where you are now. Hope that I’m not the only one who struggles with getting out of the starting blocks; that others had the same challenge and they still succeeded in life. And hope that the fear of having to have the perfect, failure proof plan can be overcome.

It was a good read. In ways it leaves me feeling the same way after watching a movie that ended on a really positive note; the feeling that the world is just beyond my doorstep and that I too can carve a piece of it!

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It is interesting, yet scary, how sometimes we feel like we’ve been somewhere before. Earlier I noted to Ruth that it felt like this year has gone by extremely quickly. Well, shortly thereafter feelings and thoughts of being lost, of general inadequacy and failure came back. Yes, watching a movie about a love that can’t be didn’t help. No, not in the slightest.

But then I sat here in the living room contemplating things. And there it was… I had been here before. Yes, it’s not exactly the same but in some ways it is. And that is not good. Not to mention the whole if-you’re-not-moving-forward-then-you-are-slipping-backwards thing. It’s true! So many things are SO MUCH harder now than they seemed before.

But this thing… the act to “take control of your life”, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Yes, for you cholerics out there it might be, but for some of us more… peaceful… personalities, it’s an entirely big (and intimidating) bag of beans…

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Some things are just really surprising… And those things seem to have this urge of just… sneak out of the darkness and JUMP AT YOU!. Sometimes they are good though. Sometimes they can even be good and interesting.

For instance, I was briefly, VERY briefly, glancing over some older (private ) musings of mine. And there it was. A brick thrown out of nowhere. A rake that I stepped on. Could it really be that the most helpful book, the one that will have made more of a difference in me this year than almost anything else was The 5 Love Languages Men’s Edition? Really? It can’t be. I mean at this time, it would be ranked up there with Zig Ziglar’s autobiography and our old copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People. C’mon, it can’t be!!!

But there it was… the understanding of love. And (oh, yes, this is going to sound every so incredibly corny!!!), the progression from the in-love infatuation to the love that truly moves mountains.

See, I did say it was going to sound corny. But it is interesting that that would be the one.

And this is so not what I had in mind when I opened this to write

Anyway. So this week’s officially over. The work-week part anyway. And it is GOOD!!! Now a short weekend is around and with it come lots of possibilities and opportunities. I wonder which adventures will cross my path…

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This weekend was a mess. Yes it was a short one, but still, it shouldn’t have been a mess. But it was.

It felt like every time I finally got myself to doing something, something else went wrong. There was Cora who didn’t want to be by herself. There’s my car and it’s alarm which goes off when the battery dies, which is every 12-18 hours or so. There’s the fact that nobody picks up after themselves… The list goes on…

But now that everyone is asleep and settled, that Ruth’s grill is lit (yest at 11pm), that I know my car will still start in the morning, that I am too tired mentally to start anything anew, that I can finally find some resemblance of peace.

And have some thoughts.

Over the past weeks, I’ve been toying more and more with the idea of working more freelance. My mother would scoff since I still need to finish her store which has been in works for what… 3 years now?

But it is intimidating. After all, what do I have to offer that someone else can’t do better, bigger, cheaper and quicker? It’s a tough sell. But then, it’s like that with everything… there will always be someone. And that has always stopped me. Well, not always, but many a time in my life so far: that I had this feeling of not measuring up.

As I was sitting here at my desk, wallowing in my negativity, I stumbled upon an (old) article which shall remain anonymous and uncredited about the process of a site redesign. And as the author went through the steps… I had to chuckle… That is what one calls a web-designer? It sounded more like a project manager… there was no coding, no drawing, no rendering… It all boiled down to paying someone for a graphic set, pasting it all into frontpage and calling it a day.

Unfortunately most of the images were gone by now, but the “finished product” was still there, seemingly untouched over the last 8 years as the header graphic still fit the description the author had provided.

Sad…

I do make my life and my goals a lot more complicated looking (and feeling!) then they really are.

And I don’t mean to sound condescending towards anyone mentioned above. Far from it. I am sure they all do a great job at what they provide; and that is a different aspect for each of us. Some may be looking for a hand to hold, some may be looking for eye-candy. Some just want to be heard, and some just want it to “work”…

Faith would be something that would help, wouldn’t it? Faith in myself? Faith in that it can be done?

Interesting indeed. It always comes full-circle

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It is interesting to observe the dynamics of relationships; how we gravitate towards some, away from others, only to find ourselves doing the opposite a few days/weeks/months later.

This aside, life is rather interesting. Not boring to say the least.

Work is absolutely crazy. Not really in a good way, but in lots-of-fires-to-put-out way. Ah well, it makes for short work days.

The children are great, though the lack of sleep that has been plaguing them lately does, as Ruth pointed out, seem to affect their listening skills. Though all of us are holding up through the summer rather well. Last year was definitely not this smooth. By far!!!

However there are some areas I really need to work on. Personal organization is the biggest as the others (fitness, reading, work) revolve around it. What I currently do is not working for me at all!! Though I am thinking of kissing Outlook goodbye for good in favor of something web-based… But I’ll need to think that over.

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.