Today we went to the funeral of one of Ruth’s childhood friends. It was heartbreaking as Rachel left behind parents, 3 sibilings and a baby daughter.

One thing to take away from it was the power of self-esteem, be it high or low. Low self-esteem will undermine everything we do; whereas a healthy high self-esteem will multiply our strengths.

In this case, it would be safe to say that low self-esteem is what took this young woman from us and we’re left wondering what-if.

Willie’s words come to mind: treat each moment as if this is the only chance you have to make an impact in someone’s life; the only chance to tell them they are special and that someone truly cares.

Because let’s face it, most of us truly do care. We just don’t allow it to show…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Oh how I’ve missed these long weekends!!! It’s nice to be back on compressed shift. Yes, there are some challenges of course, and it will take some getting used to again, but… boy it’s nice to be away from work!!! Really nice

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Today was a lot more fun than expected, and still productive

Between doing some more cleaning in the office and getting rid of some boxes, playing DOTT on Wii , the water slide, finally REALLY retiring moonrover (it had become unstable), getting the living room clean…

It was a nice day

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

In the midst of the whirlwind that works is sometimes akin to, an interesting thought came up… How to set expectations for oneself of other people. As in my case what can I expect from *insert anyone*?

I don’t know yet… And what’s worse is even if I did I don’t know how to express it to them.

The challenge was always that if I expect someone else to do something that I could do, then I put myself at risk of being disappointed/held back by their lack of performance. So if I do it myself, then it wouldn’t be an issue… But it is true in the meantime if I always “pick up the slack”, then how do I help the people that I work shoulder-to-shoulder with to grow and to become their best self?

I’ll have to ponder that one a bit longer.

But in the meantime, it’s time to hit the road

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Whoa, I guess I should known since it had been so long since I had been here (which is sad since this is mine an’ all), but I just removed A LOT of links from my meme’s page and the blogroll… most of the references… vanished… others hadn’t been updated in 3,4,5 years…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

What an overwhelming feeling of uninspiredness. It is thoroughly depressing and definitely a sign that something is out of kilter. With me…

And it’s not like nothing got done. Far from that really. The last three days have made quite a busy weekend really. But I’m not sure how much it all moved me forward. Well, it did. I already know that much, I confess.

After all, I have a desk again Yes, it’s smaller, but it’s mine. I hadn’t had one for a week and I had gotten to miss having my corner. But there is still work to do; my “inboxes” are still sitting on my nightstand in their overflowing state and there are some cardboard and filing boxes scattered about the house that need new homes. But it is a lot better than it was. That’s for sure.

Oh, and we semi-officially retired athena and moonrover. Or should I say we played Dr. Frankenstein and took bits and pieces of both to give birth to cybertron as we merged router, firewall and file-server into one…

And then there was a birthday party up North. It was good. Surprisingly devoid of stress. I took A LOT of pictures. Maybe I’ll post some of them too… Especially since Roo hasn’t yet…

Speaking of stress, the one thing that I seem to be having quite a grasp on these days is that Steven Covey moment between stimulus and response… No, I’m not gloating, and no it’s nothing all that fabulous by most people’s standards, but it’s a vast improvement for me

Yet I am sitting here feeling uninspired. So many things I want to do… read, learn, grow, draw, play… But as so often in life I am at a loss and don’t know where to start or how to start. All I can do is hope that in time I will find a way…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

At least, and unfortunately, it seemed like one. It was that feeling of complete inadequacy, of being stuck, of being not good enough, of all that other garbage that sneaks into one’s thinking when that door opens even the tiniest crack…

Yup, it poked it’s nose in today. And yesterday too for that matter. And no, it never really got kicked out… Not yet. But tonight it’s a bit more at bay than earlier today or yesterday even.

What helped? Chasing Honda Civic’s on US75 in a mini-van. Yup. Always helps. It’s that old Nicolas Cage line (that is not even listed in the quotes section of IMDB for Gone in 60 seconds… for shame!). Cars and speed cure all

Now all is quiet again. And the choice of how to finish the day is entirely mine. And the choice of not letting tomorrow be dictated by circumstances (money, kids, weather, “other people”…) will be mine as well. Well I make better decisions than I have today? I hope so… We’ll see…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Wouldn’t you know it, next week is Christmas. And my birthday… and then just 3 days later, the end of the year 2008. And what a year it was. It will definitely go down as one of the most eventful years in my book. But we’ll get to that later

It also means that it is almost time to dig up last years goals, wishes and resolutions, and see where we are now… and then figure out where we want to go.

Somehow, that last part is… interesting. It is and not just because, duh!, it will define where life goes from here as far as lil ole me is concerned, but because it is full of unknown opportunities ready to be taken! That’s right. There are more people than ever to enjoy adventures with, work is more uncertain than it has ever been for me (well, with the exception of moving to the US without a job ), there are more hobbies to explore, more challenges to overcome, more books to read, more things to learn… The list goes on and on… It is quite exciting really!

But by far the most exciting is the group of people I’ll get to go on this journey… my family, my friends, my team-mates, my colleagues…

Yes, I did discover that I was more of a social person that I believed to be…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Isn’t it interesting… no matter where you go, you will always be there. And long-term, you can’t hide from yourself. I tried. In some ways I’ve tried since my early teenage years. But it doesn’t work.

You can change jobs, change where you live, change your friends, heck you can even leave your spouse and your children, but in the end you’ll find what’s really not right is you, well, me in my case.

And that is one hard thing to change… self… The deep, meaningful, life-altering kind of change. Not the I-hereby-decide-to-be-[insert new characteristic- kind of change. But the deep one. The one on which hinges happiness and fulfillment.

Like about an hour ago. I was listening to a recording of someone performing a song. And I thought… whoa… look at that. Someone who achieved something, who touches lives, who is admired, loved, lusted after (Har Har) even, wealthy. And here’s me. But then I had to pause… Do I make a difference in my current circle of influence? Yes… Could I make a bigger difference? Yes, of course… Are there people who love and admire me? Yes… granted three of them are under the age of 8 and are naturally biased, but then I don’t have that loving/close a relationship with my father currently, and haven’t had one in a long time. Yet there they are… always happy to see me, spoiling me with hugs and kisses, forgiving me my many shortcomings which even makes them suffer from time to tome.

So what it is I am missing? A sense of purpose, a feeling of fulfillment, of achievement… But what would give that to me? I don’t know. Darn it. Why does it have to be so frigging difficult…

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.

WHoa… 2.5 months to read a teeny tiny book. Not quite impressive. I’ll have to work on that one. On a much more upbeat note, I’ve been working out every day for two weeks now (excluding Sundays). There was only one mishap of me sleeping in and therefore having to go after work. I think that’s pretty good if I may say so myself.

Of course the last 2 days I’ve been so incredibly tired. I don’t know if it’s because I sleep a bit less or because of stress or because of the increase in physical activity… It’s not very pleasant though. I do hope that it will pass over the next few weeks…

So today is one of those days that doesn’t start like one wants it to… I woke up late, we wont make it to church, we’re still short on cash…

Yet there are things to be grateful for: health, incredibly great kids, a loving wife, friends and acquaintances who are inspiring… I think we can make today fun

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.