z's bubbles

Another day

2009-12-12T06:57:01Z

I think the most memorable about today really is the amount of time I spent with Cora. Between Chicken Little and playing Guitar Hero, she probably got the most of me today. She sure is cute and sweet.

I feel like I barely saw the other two. I walked them home from the bus stop, but then there was the store, dinner, bath, books, bed… I’ll be looking forward to tomorrow though

Sara’s PC got finished too. Boy that thing is slow with only 256MB or RAM. Hopefully she’ll agree to meet tomorrow to take it off my hands again….

Regardless of exercise, I feel like I’m putting on weight. I probably need to be watching what I eat more closely. I did cross the 200lb limit too, but that might just be because I weighed myself at different times of the day. I hope at least… We’ll see Sunday morning…

That was a lot of randomness, but that’s how the day felt today… Random…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Lazy day

2009-12-11T07:48:14Z

I’d like to call today a lazy day… but was it?

The morning started in somewhat of a frenzy as I was somewhat late getting up: 8am and the kids had to be at school by 8:45 (and where still asleep as well). But we managed just fine. And I even managed to take some pictures of Gillian’s cheekiness and Liam’s bad-hair-day

When I came back Cora greeted me and we decided to have oatmeal for breakfast together. She was such a sweetheart. And surprisingly cuddly as I found out when we settled on the couch to watch Lilo and Stitch together. I set up Sara’s laptop to clean itself while we were cuddling.

Yes, I did fall asleep.

But after a while, when Lilo’s whining was replaced by Charlie’s british accent, I snuck into bed. Ironically that was when Ruth got up (around 11 or so).

I got up and got the Christmas tree down (finally)… Only to notice that NONE of the lights were still working. Bummer. Thankfully my mother volunteered the spare tree that she had in the garage

Sometime later and made lunch for Cora and cleaned the kitchen followed by the living room. Liam and Gillian came home sometime in there too. Poor Gillian was a bit distraught as apparently some child had threatened to stab her with a nail. Some children… Makes you wonder about their parents.

By the time the laundry was put away and the kitchen cleaned, Ruth came home from meeting with Liam’s teacher and was a bit shook up.

Time to make chicken quesedillas for the children and double-check Sara’s laptop. And we finish the day with a few Guitar Hero songs and books for everyone. Cora was particularly cute as she actually asked me to stop reading. I guess she had enough of Narnia 3 pages in

Once the kids all packed up, it was time to make dinner for us. I learned that making Bratkatoffeln in peanut oil is a lot more difficult than in olive oil!! It was still ok. Lacking in veggies though…

A quick-trip to Oma’s later we have a lit Christmas tree up in the living room And I’m off to the gym.

I really need to find something that is a little more sweat-driving and less leg-muscle building than what I’m doing now… Not to mention it doesn’t feel like I’m pushing myself, but I still end up running out of juice somehow…

Now I’m pondering my Christmas list…

So was it really a lazy day?

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Thoughts on journaling

2009-12-09T07:12:52Z

Why does it have to be so hard to journal? During the day, all these great thoughts will combine with enthusiasm and creativity into someone of a giddiness at the thought of being able to put some things into writing. And at the end of the day, when the time to write is finally there, it all just… fizzles… the thoughts are gone, the motivation vanished and all that is left is a blank screen.

Maybe part of it is that the amount of thoughts to put down becomes overwhelming after a whole day. Or maybe it’s simply the same problem that inhibits writing during the day: the fear of interruption.

Yes, I’m sure those are all true. But I think the biggest issue, for me anyway, is that it forces me to be honest with myself and walk on a very thin line between analyzing my feelings and preventing negativity from turning anything into a rant, a disgusting pile of exagerrations and emotional rubbish.

But knowing that does not make it easier, does it

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Peace…

2009-11-22T05:14:57Z

Ah the peace one feels after a good workout It’s simply priceless!!

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Flattering

2009-11-19T04:11:17Z

Today we had the farewell lunch for Julius and Fred who are going back to the Philippines soon. Amol had picked this Indian restaurant at Custer and Arapaho. I got there first as I found out when I entered the empty restaurant, but as I turned to leave again, they all showed up. It was a fairly nice clean restaurant. The food was good… Not many people were there and I think we all had a good social time there.

The funny part was as we went to leave, I was the last one as I sat in the corner, the waitress, a middle-aged Indian woman came over to me and said “I have to say, I think you’re cute” with a heavy indian accent. I was so taken aback that all I could do was mutter a thank you…

It was only in the car on the way back that I realized that this had NEVER happned to me before LOL!

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

The Slight Edge

2009-11-16T06:09:30Z

When I picked up this book from my book shelf, I did not want to. And that’s stil an understatement. The only reason I did so anyway is because for the last 2 or 3 months, the title came up again and again from various people that I look up to in some way.

So I did…

And the first few pages were painful. I felt like I had read it before (which I’m not too sure of anymore) and that it would just be another to-do list book: a list of steps to follow to achieve this or that goal in your life. But I stand corrected.

What I got out of it was hope: hope that no matter where you start, you can finish better than where you are now. Hope that I’m not the only one who struggles with getting out of the starting blocks; that others had the same challenge and they still succeeded in life. And hope that the fear of having to have the perfect, failure proof plan can be overcome.

It was a good read. In ways it leaves me feeling the same way after watching a movie that ended on a really positive note; the feeling that the world is just beyond my doorstep and that I too can carve a piece of it!

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

History repeats itself.

2009-11-15T06:51:20Z

It is interesting, yet scary, how sometimes we feel like we’ve been somewhere before. Earlier I noted to Ruth that it felt like this year has gone by extremely quickly. Well, shortly thereafter feelings and thoughts of being lost, of general inadequacy and failure came back. Yes, watching a movie about a love that can’t be didn’t help. No, not in the slightest.

But then I sat here in the living room contemplating things. And there it was… I had been here before. Yes, it’s not exactly the same but in some ways it is. And that is not good. Not to mention the whole if-you’re-not-moving-forward-then-you-are-slipping-backwards thing. It’s true! So many things are SO MUCH harder now than they seemed before.

But this thing… the act to “take control of your life”, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Yes, for you cholerics out there it might be, but for some of us more… peaceful… personalities, it’s an entirely big (and intimidating) bag of beans…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Late nights with a movie…

2009-11-06T07:23:57Z

Some things are just really surprising… And those things seem to have this urge of just… sneak out of the darkness and JUMP AT YOU!. Sometimes they are good though. Sometimes they can even be good and interesting.

For instance, I was briefly, VERY briefly, glancing over some older (private ) musings of mine. And there it was. A brick thrown out of nowhere. A rake that I stepped on. Could it really be that the most helpful book, the one that will have made more of a difference in me this year than almost anything else was The 5 Love Languages Men’s Edition? Really? It can’t be. I mean at this time, it would be ranked up there with Zig Ziglar’s autobiography and our old copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People. C’mon, it can’t be!!!

But there it was… the understanding of love. And (oh, yes, this is going to sound every so incredibly corny!!!), the progression from the in-love infatuation to the love that truly moves mountains.

See, I did say it was going to sound corny. But it is interesting that that would be the one.

And this is so not what I had in mind when I opened this to write

Anyway. So this week’s officially over. The work-week part anyway. And it is GOOD!!! Now a short weekend is around and with it come lots of possibilities and opportunities. I wonder which adventures will cross my path…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Weekend closure

2009-09-28T04:26:09Z

This weekend was a mess. Yes it was a short one, but still, it shouldn’t have been a mess. But it was.

It felt like every time I finally got myself to doing something, something else went wrong. There was Cora who didn’t want to be by herself. There’s my car and it’s alarm which goes off when the battery dies, which is every 12-18 hours or so. There’s the fact that nobody picks up after themselves… The list goes on…

But now that everyone is asleep and settled, that Ruth’s grill is lit (yest at 11pm), that I know my car will still start in the morning, that I am too tired mentally to start anything anew, that I can finally find some resemblance of peace.

And have some thoughts.

Over the past weeks, I’ve been toying more and more with the idea of working more freelance. My mother would scoff since I still need to finish her store which has been in works for what… 3 years now?

But it is intimidating. After all, what do I have to offer that someone else can’t do better, bigger, cheaper and quicker? It’s a tough sell. But then, it’s like that with everything… there will always be someone. And that has always stopped me. Well, not always, but many a time in my life so far: that I had this feeling of not measuring up.

As I was sitting here at my desk, wallowing in my negativity, I stumbled upon an (old) article which shall remain anonymous and uncredited about the process of a site redesign. And as the author went through the steps… I had to chuckle… That is what one calls a web-designer? It sounded more like a project manager… there was no coding, no drawing, no rendering… It all boiled down to paying someone for a graphic set, pasting it all into frontpage and calling it a day.

Unfortunately most of the images were gone by now, but the “finished product” was still there, seemingly untouched over the last 8 years as the header graphic still fit the description the author had provided.

Sad…

I do make my life and my goals a lot more complicated looking (and feeling!) then they really are.

And I don’t mean to sound condescending towards anyone mentioned above. Far from it. I am sure they all do a great job at what they provide; and that is a different aspect for each of us. Some may be looking for a hand to hold, some may be looking for eye-candy. Some just want to be heard, and some just want it to “work”…

Faith would be something that would help, wouldn’t it? Faith in myself? Faith in that it can be done?

Interesting indeed. It always comes full-circle

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Mourning

2009-07-02T01:29:42Z

Today we went to the funeral of one of Ruth’s childhood friends. It was heartbreaking as Rachel left behind parents, 3 sibilings and a baby daughter.

One thing to take away from it was the power of self-esteem, be it high or low. Low self-esteem will undermine everything we do; whereas a healthy high self-esteem will multiply our strengths.

In this case, it would be safe to say that low self-esteem is what took this young woman from us and we’re left wondering what-if.

Willie’s words come to mind: treat each moment as if this is the only chance you have to make an impact in someone’s life; the only chance to tell them they are special and that someone truly cares.

Because let’s face it, most of us truly do care. We just don’t allow it to show…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Weekends

2009-06-13T14:27:34Z

Oh how I’ve missed these long weekends!!! It’s nice to be back on compressed shift. Yes, there are some challenges of course, and it will take some getting used to again, but… boy it’s nice to be away from work!!! Really nice

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Saturday = funday

2009-05-31T05:03:06Z

Today was a lot more fun than expected, and still productive

Between doing some more cleaning in the office and getting rid of some boxes, playing DOTT on Wii , the water slide, finally REALLY retiring moonrover (it had become unstable), getting the living room clean…

It was a nice day

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

People

2009-05-28T23:02:29Z

In the midst of the whirlwind that works is sometimes akin to, an interesting thought came up… How to set expectations for oneself of other people. As in my case what can I expect from *insert anyone*?

I don’t know yet… And what’s worse is even if I did I don’t know how to express it to them.

The challenge was always that if I expect someone else to do something that I could do, then I put myself at risk of being disappointed/held back by their lack of performance. So if I do it myself, then it wouldn’t be an issue… But it is true in the meantime if I always “pick up the slack”, then how do I help the people that I work shoulder-to-shoulder with to grow and to become their best self?

I’ll have to ponder that one a bit longer.

But in the meantime, it’s time to hit the road

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Maintenance overdue

2009-05-26T04:33:36Z

Whoa, I guess I should known since it had been so long since I had been here (which is sad since this is mine an’ all), but I just removed A LOT of links from my meme’s page and the blogroll… most of the references… vanished… others hadn’t been updated in 3,4,5 years…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

bleh…

2009-05-26T03:31:15Z

What an overwhelming feeling of uninspiredness. It is thoroughly depressing and definitely a sign that something is out of kilter. With me…

And it’s not like nothing got done. Far from that really. The last three days have made quite a busy weekend really. But I’m not sure how much it all moved me forward. Well, it did. I already know that much, I confess.

After all, I have a desk again Yes, it’s smaller, but it’s mine. I hadn’t had one for a week and I had gotten to miss having my corner. But there is still work to do; my “inboxes” are still sitting on my nightstand in their overflowing state and there are some cardboard and filing boxes scattered about the house that need new homes. But it is a lot better than it was. That’s for sure.

Oh, and we semi-officially retired athena and moonrover. Or should I say we played Dr. Frankenstein and took bits and pieces of both to give birth to cybertron as we merged router, firewall and file-server into one…

And then there was a birthday party up North. It was good. Surprisingly devoid of stress. I took A LOT of pictures. Maybe I’ll post some of them too… Especially since Roo hasn’t yet…

Speaking of stress, the one thing that I seem to be having quite a grasp on these days is that Steven Covey moment between stimulus and response… No, I’m not gloating, and no it’s nothing all that fabulous by most people’s standards, but it’s a vast improvement for me

Yet I am sitting here feeling uninspired. So many things I want to do… read, learn, grow, draw, play… But as so often in life I am at a loss and don’t know where to start or how to start. All I can do is hope that in time I will find a way…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

An old friend…

2008-12-23T14:07:17Z

At least, and unfortunately, it seemed like one. It was that feeling of complete inadequacy, of being stuck, of being not good enough, of all that other garbage that sneaks into one’s thinking when that door opens even the tiniest crack…

Yup, it poked it’s nose in today. And yesterday too for that matter. And no, it never really got kicked out… Not yet. But tonight it’s a bit more at bay than earlier today or yesterday even.

What helped? Chasing Honda Civic’s on US75 in a mini-van. Yup. Always helps. It’s that old Nicolas Cage line (that is not even listed in the quotes section of IMDB for Gone in 60 seconds… for shame!). Cars and speed cure all

Now all is quiet again. And the choice of how to finish the day is entirely mine. And the choice of not letting tomorrow be dictated by circumstances (money, kids, weather, “other people”…) will be mine as well. Well I make better decisions than I have today? I hope so… We’ll see…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

Time flies

2008-12-19T03:40:13Z

Wouldn’t you know it, next week is Christmas. And my birthday… and then just 3 days later, the end of the year 2008. And what a year it was. It will definitely go down as one of the most eventful years in my book. But we’ll get to that later

It also means that it is almost time to dig up last years goals, wishes and resolutions, and see where we are now… and then figure out where we want to go.

Somehow, that last part is… interesting. It is and not just because, duh!, it will define where life goes from here as far as lil ole me is concerned, but because it is full of unknown opportunities ready to be taken! That’s right. There are more people than ever to enjoy adventures with, work is more uncertain than it has ever been for me (well, with the exception of moving to the US without a job ), there are more hobbies to explore, more challenges to overcome, more books to read, more things to learn… The list goes on and on… It is quite exciting really!

But by far the most exciting is the group of people I’ll get to go on this journey… my family, my friends, my team-mates, my colleagues…

Yes, I did discover that I was more of a social person that I believed to be…

Mirrored from z's bubbles 2.

No matter where you go…

2008-11-24T04:27:36Z

Isn’t it interesting… no matter where you go, you will always be there. And long-term, you can’t hide from yourself. I tried. In some ways I’ve tried since my early teenage years. But it doesn’t work.

You can change jobs, change where you live, change your friends, heck you can even leave your spouse and your children, but in the end you’ll find what’s really not right is you, well, me in my case.

And that is one hard thing to change… self… The deep, meaningful, life-altering kind of change. Not the I-hereby-decide-to-be-[insert new characteristic- kind of change. But the deep one. The one on which hinges happiness and fulfillment.

Like about an hour ago. I was listening to a recording of someone performing a song. And I thought… whoa… look at that. Someone who achieved something, who touches lives, who is admired, loved, lusted after (Har Har) even, wealthy. And here’s me. But then I had to pause… Do I make a difference in my current circle of influence? Yes… Could I make a bigger difference? Yes, of course… Are there people who love and admire me? Yes… granted three of them are under the age of 8 and are naturally biased, but then I don’t have that loving/close a relationship with my father currently, and haven’t had one in a long time. Yet there they are… always happy to see me, spoiling me with hugs and kisses, forgiving me my many shortcomings which even makes them suffer from time to tome.

So what it is I am missing? A sense of purpose, a feeling of fulfillment, of achievement… But what would give that to me? I don’t know. Darn it. Why does it have to be so frigging difficult…

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.

Moving on…

2008-08-17T15:18:48Z

WHoa… 2.5 months to read a teeny tiny book. Not quite impressive. I’ll have to work on that one. On a much more upbeat note, I’ve been working out every day for two weeks now (excluding Sundays). There was only one mishap of me sleeping in and therefore having to go after work. I think that’s pretty good if I may say so myself.

Of course the last 2 days I’ve been so incredibly tired. I don’t know if it’s because I sleep a bit less or because of stress or because of the increase in physical activity… It’s not very pleasant though. I do hope that it will pass over the next few weeks…

So today is one of those days that doesn’t start like one wants it to… I woke up late, we wont make it to church, we’re still short on cash…

Yet there are things to be grateful for: health, incredibly great kids, a loving wife, friends and acquaintances who are inspiring… I think we can make today fun

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.

Worrisome…

2008-08-11T21:35:51Z

Somehow this is not confidence inspiring for someone using gmail as primary email client…

Bummer… Now I feel somewhat dismembered.

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.

The dreaded blah mood…

2008-08-11T02:37:50Z

It has set in… the dreaded blah-mood. Where I am completely unhappy with myself, don’t know what do to with myself. And when something sounds interesting, there’s that yes-but-does-it-move-me-forward voice.

It feels like one just can’t win…

On a happier note, this past week I went to work out every day. Whoohoo! That never happened before Now we’re going for the second week in a row.

Anyhow… let’s see if I can find my guitar cables somewhere…

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.

Interesing article…

2008-08-05T17:47:55Z

.. on project management: On Our Project, We’re Always 90% Done

I know I do some of these things “wrong”…

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.

Dreams

2008-08-04T13:45:24Z

I had the strangest dream this morning. It had to be this morning since it was after Sheryl Crow and Sting tried to wake me up. (How come Ruth’s song is my wake-up tune anyway?)

So a lot of people were stranded in this desert place. A cold, small desert island. And there were “bad guys” of course. And they wanted something. Never could figure out what they wanted but they wouldn’t let us go anywhere. It felt like a plane crash had happened (What do you mean, I’ve watched “Lost” once too many?)

Anyhow, in the end I was supposed to make coffee for them but first I couldn’t figure out which powder to use and then, moving everything around, I couldn’t find it anymore. It was stored in something looking like a spice-cabinet. In the end, I was left with this overwhelming feeling of having to look for something very important, that I knew was there, but that I couldn’t quite grasp…

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.

Interesting day and rabbit trails

2008-08-04T03:24:08Z

Today was rather interesting. We did make it to church. Though I do have to attribute it to sheer luck and/or devine intervention as I don’t know what would have happened had I not jumped out of bed (literally) at 7am…

And it was good. Insightful even I’d say. People revealed a lot about them. And with Ruth’s insights later on, it all made more sense (the whole “if you’re struggling with something, chances are others are too” idea).

Cute moment? Liam talking to Cora as she’s trying to “steal” the grocery cart from him: “Cora, you can’t push the cart. You have to be careful; it’s extremely dangerous.” I almost fell off of the piano bench!

And, I swear, Ruth likes to chase me down “rabbit trails” as she said the other day. At first she says she wanted a new ring tone for her phone; something out of the ordinary. So I start browsing thought he Hannah Barbera sound collection… Then she says maybe a classical tune, so I look for MIDIs… and while we’re heading into the realm of old-school, I end up on modarchive.com looking for all my old favorites… Hmmm, that brought back memories.

And then tonight… I’m peacefully cleaning the kitchen when she says something about Pirate Bay tees. And I go back with her and we look around at the usual geek shirts. She says I need a Murray shirt. So the next half hour is spend browsing Secret of Monkey Island shirts and culminates in reading this quote:

“[Murray] was just in a throw-away piece of temporary background art that wouldn’t have made the final game until one day Jonathan said, “Make that skull talk to you, and make him kind of annoying.” I didn’t write all of Murray’s dialog, Chuck and Jonathan wrote a lot of it. But I named him and got him started, and after that it became Chuck’s and my mission to squeeze him in the game wherever we could.” (Taken from The Scumm bar)

But I sure couldn’t find a Murray shift though… Wish I had one. I loved Murray MWUAHAHAHA!

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.

Children = cute

2008-08-02T23:48:54Z

So Cora has discovered that words work on parents. Like last night, me picking the kids up from my mom’s… All three are buckled up and ready to go when Gillian points out: no diaper bag! So I head away from the car and Cora looks panicked and says: “Pap, sit! Papa, sit!” Pointing at the driver seat. All I could do is busrt out laughing.

Children really do do the cutest things.

All is well. All is warm. Some sources say tomorrow will hit 107. I guess we’ll all lay loooowww…

Originally published at z's bubbles 2. You can comment here or there.